2023.03.07 Maranda Podcast 1
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[00:00:00] Welcome back, beautiful people, to another episode of Redefined Beautiful. I'm your host Faith and I have a really special guest with me here today, and I can't wait to introduce her, but I wanna encourage you while you're here, go ahead and subscribe to this podcast. Like rate and review if you're finding this content super helpful so others can find it as well.
But today I have a special guest with me. She happens to be my best friend. She also. An amazing story to share with you guys today. So without further ado, I would like to I, introduce you guys to Miranda. So Miranda, go ahead and just tell everyone a little bit about yourself.
Hi, my name is Miranda Beiger and Faith and I have been best friends since we were like 15, I think, and we're in our thirties.
So pretty strong friendship. Faith and I actually met because we did track together, and I did a lot of sports in high school, got really involved in that and I did college lacrosse as well. So I've always kind of been athletic and then, That led [00:01:00] into post-college, me joining a gym and getting really into the fitness realm, personal training and body building shows and all of that fun stuff.
So that kind of leads into what we'll be talking about today as well.
exactly. We really are gonna dive into the body building component of things, but I love that you kind of have that story of, okay, this is where I started.
I've always been in this kind of realm. What was it for you that kind of said, okay, I wanna take it to the next level and I wanna compete.
Well, I'm a very competitive
person. ? No.
only little bit. I have to at everything I have to my have
beat myself
and yeah, I might have a of perfect and things in, so yeah, it's, it's like a ing and a. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Let me preface with this. So your now husband, um, you met as he was your personal trainer, which I think is so cute. We love John[00:02:00]
So, yeah.
so you met him through personal training and.
You kind of
got that itch to wanna do it yourself, right?
Mm-hmm.
so
kind of got into the business and then was it because he was competing that you wanted to compete? Or again, was it just that drive of, I wanna be the best at everything and this is like where I can take my fitness journey next?
Mm-hmm. , is that kind of Yes. There was like probably two parts to it cuz one, I was like totally in love with my personal trainer and yeah.
So I of course wanted to impress him. So that was part of it. And then the other part would definitely be my competitive nature. I was like, I just wanna see how I do and I just wanna push it as far as I can go. And so those two things together were the perfect storm
so how many competitions have you done?
by competitions? Um, I think I did a total of four, but they are pretty spread out. So I would say honestly my competing journey was pretty quick. I think I did about three years. Okay. Yeah. Um, [00:03:00] and
and did you get your pro guard? I
did give my pro card. Thanks for asking. So, so
of explain just like maybe somebody who's never or isn't really familiar with the body building
building.
industry and stuff, what does that mean to get your pro
card? Well, there are a few different ways you can go about it. , I competed in natural federations, so basically they test you for like drugs or steroids or anything like that. So it is a little bit different looking than what you see at like Mr.
Olympia, right? But, yeah, so I went that route and the pro card just basically means. Won the overall, for a particular show. And then you're able to compete in bigger shows that are against all other pros, so you know that all of them have won. Then when you get to that level, there is money involved.
So winning at tho those shows can be thousands of dollars in cash prizes and whatnot, but oh yeah,
pretty cool.
it is pretty cool. But I stopped like after that . Yeah. So let's talk
that. So, so you went
on this journey,
you did, you know, three to [00:04:00] four different competitions.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And that last one is when you got your Pro card,
correct?
Mm-hmm.
So you had never, you didn't compete after getting your Pro card?
I did. I did one pro show. Oh, okay. And I did not place, and I think I would have kept competing, but there were just other things that came up that stopped me in that journey, so.
Right, right. Okay, so you got your pro card, you went to compete. Let's kind of like backtrack to what it is that you have to do both mentally and physically to compete. And how long is like a typical, you know,
Time period.
Like training period. Yeah,
period to get you into the best shape to compete.
So they call it competition prep.
So your prep could be, it depends on the person, but some people do it anywhere from like 12 weeks all the way up to, my longest prep for that pro show was six months. Yeah. So that was a really long one. Most people don't go that long, but I really wanted to do it slow and steady and not [00:05:00] like force my body to drop weight super duper quick.
Right. And then, You know, my prep, I also considered a year before that I was bulking for a year. So my prep was technically a year and a half for that show,
And so for somebody that might not know what's bulking,
so bulking is where you don't try to eat less calories than your, burning. You try to eat more calories than you're burning, so your body can use those calories towards building muscle.
So you might look what they call little fluffy. You know, if you're in that field, that's what you feel like. Yeah because you're, you're so used to dieting and you're really not dieting to lose weight. You're dieting to gain weight. But that allows your body to put on as much muscle as possible and really use those calories.
And then after that is when you, what they call cut. And that is, Kind of more so the competition prep part where you're dieting to lose weight and see all that great muscle you built up. Exactly. So I love that you mostly
do a bulk, like when you talk about like the 12 weeks, that makes me so [00:06:00] nervous because how unhealthy is that
Yeah. For 12
that you're just, you know, cramming this all in.
So I do like that you took a different approach and said, I'm gonna really invest
into this. Mm-hmm. , I'm
gonna do a year long bulk. And for those of you who have never bulked, it is such a mind thing
mm-hmm.
most people that get to the point of bulking, they've spent. Months, if not years cutting. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. essentially
they've, you know, done all these things to lose weight, but a lot of times, like for my personal journey, You know, you are my trainer, . I don't, I guess
we never told, I know we need to go into that,
with that, but Miranda's actually my personal
training,
and she is the reason why I got into fitness.
So kudos to her for bringing me aboard. I feel so blessed to, to be a part of that journey. But I got down to one 14 and I think it was kind of a collective thing here where we're like, okay, you got a bolt cuz this one 14 doesn't look good on you. And I.
had, yeah,
I was the type of person that was going to skip Upper Body Day
Mm-hmm.
So I was [00:07:00] putting on some weight on my legs, but my arms were like little noodles
and so I
to a bulk and that was really tough mentally because I had just spent all this time losing this weight
but I was also in a place where I was like, I really want muscle. Like I'm at this point, I wanted to look like you
Yeah. I wanted
that toned, defined muscle. So I went into that bulk and it is really tough to kind of get over that hurdle, but once you do, it's so.
so,
Oh, it's just so liberating. I did a six month bulk, and I love that you did a year bulk because you just really, bulking is not a short term,
Mm-hmm. , uh, journey takes a long time
and you've gotta be willing to put in the time,
and I think a lot of people aren't. Until they quit
pretty quickly when it comes to bulking, even when it comes to cutting, it's just so
just so easy to just
give up if you don't see those instant results. Mm-hmm. . But you put in the time, and I think that's truly how you were able to get your pro card is because you really allowed your body to.
For one grow
muscle. Mm-hmm.
and then, you [00:08:00] know, to kind of shed off that fat after the
fat. Mm-hmm. . So I love that you
kind of had a different approach because I would say you didn't have those in your, in your first and second.
Yeah, definitely. My first one was basically because, well, yeah, I forgot to include this, but I had just had Noah, my son, and I just wanted to get back in the gym and get all that baby weight off and just feel good again.
And it was my me time too. And then, I'd lost a bunch of weight and then I wanted to compete and push it to the next level. But a lot of people approach it that way where they get into it for weight loss and they are like, oh, I wanna do a show, just because I feel like that's like the next level for everyone.
So anyone with a competitive spirit is like, let's do this. But most of 'em only went into it to lose weight, so they haven't really put in the time to build muscle. However, beginners do put on muscle very easily and very quickly. So you will have a good base, but in order to really push yourself in the Muscle Department, you do have [00:09:00] to focus on bulking, you've lost a lot of weight.
So for sure.
Like I said, I feel like you did it the right way, if there's a right
way, , and
what we're gonna dive into a little bit more is. Okay, so you are at the point where, you took that first step. You're like, I want to have a different goal for myself.
What's my next step? Okay, I'm gonna compete.
Mm-hmm. , this is gonna
fun. And I would say you enjoyed
it. Mm-hmm. , what'd you say? I definitely enjoyed it. I loved the challenge and I loved the stage. I've always loved getting dolled up. It's the best part, like the suits are incredible and so. Fun. I've always loved fashion, so I loved getting dressed up for those days.
And yeah, it was for sure a thrill. Mm-hmm. . Yeah, I bet. . So
let's kind of transition.
So yes, it
was exciting, it was fun and you enjoyed many parts of it, but let's talk about those parts that.
people
people don't typically talk
about
Mm-hmm.
hard parts. Let's
dive in a little bit to what, your diet looks like when you're in that cut phase, when [00:10:00] you're, you know, for some people could be 12 weeks,
you know? Mm-hmm.
of that.
How is that on you mentally and what did that look like?
Okay, well, everyone approaches that differently. So I actually did like a couple different types of preps, with just knowledge that I gained over time.
So I started out on a very strict diet. The first one was where my husband worked. He was a personal trainer there, and the diet that they implemented was basically like no sugar, no fat, no salt. And. . It was just like, you know, you basically were eating like a protein, like a meat and a vegetable and a starch at every meal.
And it was like what they call clean. You know, people call food clean. Yes. They don't bleach it or anything, but that's what it sounds like. . That's exactly
what it sounds like.
So that is how I started and I basically was like starved for flavor and taste and just like, Yeah, so it's tough. It's really tough. And then I learned about macro counting, which I introduced you to and I know you use with your clients.
It's a beautiful thing to learn about how, [00:11:00] you know, you can take a piece of chicken and you can also take like, Something else that's more desirable and you can see how they stack up nutritionally could be the same. Maybe not the micronutrients and the things, vitamins they provide, but, calorie wise and all that, they are similar.
So I learned about this and was able to eat the foods that I loved, including pizza all the way up to my pro show. So I basically just made sure I was taken in less calories than I was, than I was burning at that point. So, that was a much easier route, but at the end of the day, you're still hungry cuz your body is burning more calories than you're eating.
So you're basically st you're not starving yourself, but you're pushing through hunger. Yeah. Which is mentally extremely challenging and physically so. Yeah. and I
I think people,
again,
the whole being show ready and stuff is exciting and everyone gets this like itch to wanna do
it.
but they don't also hear a lot of times the hard
parts.
Mm-hmm. , which is mm-hmm.
again,
it's [00:12:00] gonna be this.
this,
know, kind of mental give take here. And to some degree, I remember when, and I can't remember what show you were prepping
for
mm-hmm.
but I remember, you were so dedicated and this was kind of earlier on cuz I don't feel like you personally had changed, like mentally or,
or, and we'll get
that where I,
where I did see that
down the
road. Mm-hmm. . But
we went to my bachelorette party
and
you
brought, I knew you were going there
and
you were so dedicated to it. And I feel like that was when you were doing the quote unquote clean
eating uhhuh, and
everything just looked terrible. And you were just doing it though, and you, you didn't, honestly, it didn't change your demeanor.
You were like, fine with it.
it.
were still your
your bubbly
self and like
super
fun.
But
then there was a switch where down the road. . I think it was more so. Okay, now we're like into starvation
mode.
Mm-hmm.
And
And I think I remember one time you told me that you were eating like 50
Mm-hmm. [00:13:00] a day.
Mm-hmm. .And
And I was like, I have 50 carbs in one
meal.
Yeah. . Yeah.
I'm
like, I don't
even know how I could like, spread that around.
Yeah.
So when
got to that
point.
And I think that was further on where I started to see you were kind of becoming
reserved. Mm-hmm.
And
I
mean, obviously you
had less
energy, you had less
food,
um, that's,
you know, part of it. But where did you finally start to feel like
like.
you were being less of
yourself,
if that makes sense. Yeah. I knew you were gonna talk about the bachelorette party.
We love a good party. So my best friend gets married once and I came there with Tupperwares of like chicken and rice and it was only for a weekend. And I literally did that. I ate boiled shrimp at dinner one night and then like didn't drink hardly at all. I had like vodka water, which is ew, disgusting, like I not worth it.
Might as well just not drink . And I got up and went to the gym too. Like I left the house of all these girls and went to the gym like for a weekend. So I was still happy [00:14:00] to be doing it at that time. But you can see how that could start to snowball, so, absolutely. Yeah. So whenever I did start doing it for longer and then yes, I got down to eating less and less and less cuz that's how a cut works.
You have to decrease over time because your body basically adapts. So as it adapts, you have to continue to change. So yeah, I got down to where I was eating like 25 carbs in a day. And for reference, that's. I mean, that's like one slice of bread, maybe two, depending on the brand. But yeah, that's
like that's so,
oh,
yeah.
my heart.
So, yeah, that was a really tough time. . You can see how that could lead to obs. You have to be obsessive. That's the thing no one can say like, I'm not obsessed about it. Because if you're doing that at that level, you have to be obsessed. So if you have, um, a compulsive type personality, it can really be triggering.
For different habits that start to arise. And I started to notice things like body checking that's really big in like the eating disorder [00:15:00] world. I literally couldn't walk by a mirror without pulling my shirt up and looking at my stomach to see what it looked like. The first thing I did every morning when I would wake up was like, touch my stomach and see if it felt different.
Those were little things that started to happen that I was. This doesn't feel normal. I never used to do this and I never used to think about it that way. And yeah, that was like the snowball effect where it started to change me. And I would just like think about my body a lot all the time.
Yeah, I think that's so,
uh, that's so hard.
It's
hard because
it's easy to see it
now, but I'm
sure when you were in it, it wasn't as noticeable as, as how we're describing it,
because it's
of those things that just kind of happens overnight
where it's like, okay, I'm in
control of this, and next thing you know, you're like, again, the body
checking
and just constantly you're
consumed by
it.
Mm-hmm. . And
it's
because your goal is to compete and
to
win. Mm-hmm. . And so
so
you
you do [00:16:00] need your body to look a certain way. That is exactly what it's about.
Yeah. So
it's hard
it's
where do you
the line where it's, okay, this has become unhealthy.
Mm-hmm.
and now I'm in a place where I'm, I had disordered
eating,
Mm-hmm. ,I'm
binge
eating. I'm, you know, There's
a
plethora of Yeah. Things
that are,
are now taking
over
at what
point. Does
say,
okay, this isn't right for me.
Well the thing is a lot of people never reach that point. So I'm really, really lucky, like looking back, I haven't talked about this in a long time actually, cause I've been out of it for so long, like years.
But, I'm remembering now like I was so lucky to have that self-awareness. It was literally one night for me. I skipped over a lot of the struggle, but, the body checking and then the food obsession, I would be at a park. I remember sitting at a park in the summer wanting ice cream so bad. I love ice cream.
My son's playing on the playground and I'm not even watching him because I can't think about it. Like I'm focused on ice cream that [00:17:00] I can't have and then beating myself up over it. So I just wasn't enjoying life because, also people start to praise you. off your body cuz that's all people know about you.
So we all want purpose and that's where I found my purpose. And that's a dangerous place because then everything you are is wrapped up in what you look like. And that is not a good place to be, depending on the personality. I don't, I personally don't think for anybody, but
I'm thinking for nobody
yeah, I don't think for anybody that's healthy.
But there are people with different personalities that are able to kind of separate things, but. . Yeah.
Do we truly believe that
I, I don't, I don't, but I also say you
don't
wanna call anyone
else. Yeah.
But I
do think it's something
that,
it,
it, you
can't mm-hmm.
tie yourself
to
that. Mm-hmm. when
it becomes.
Who you are. Mm-hmm. , you know, they just like kind of tell themselves that they're happy with it and that it's fine. And so that's the thing a lot of people don't ever really get out of it. And you know, there's people in their sixties and seventies still competing and living that world constantly [00:18:00] and they have told themselves like that's what they want to do.
They're happy with it. It. Brings them joy, but I'm sure they're still struggling with things. But I had self-awareness. I knew that that wasn't what I wanted to be for the rest of my life, and I wanted to experience more fullness in my life for my family and myself. So I literally, one night was sitting on the couch and it was like, probably like 3:00 AM and this is like around the time that binge eating started.
So when you're dieting, , if you're doing it, for a long period of time, you'll be tempted to binge eat because you're hungry and there's all these foods that are off limits. And when things are off limits, you want them more. Yeah. So then I started hiding food. I like, while my family was sleeping, I would binge eat at night and I thought,
thought
It was shameful that if you're hiding something, you're ashamed of it.
So one night I was like binging on freaking almonds and like bagels and cereal. All these like high carb and high fat things that I wouldn't allow [00:19:00] myself normally cuz they're so high calorie, like almonds. Almonds, like raw almonds. I was binging on those. I ate almost a whole bag, like probably a pound of almonds.
I can promise you I'll
never bingeing almonds . Like that's like where it was
that thing though. Like you tell
yourself you can't have something. What do you
want? Yeah,
more of it. Yeah. Just more food, more calories. My body was so hungry, so yeah, it was probably 3:00 AM My husband's asleep and I'm like, Hiding the sound of the wrappers I'm using under a blanket so they don't hear it.
And then I'm like stuffing the food wrappers and things in the trash so they can't wait. Wait under it. Yeah. Cuz I'm like, I don't want them to know that I'm doing this. Like I don't wanna have to talk about that. It's embarrassing. And that was literally like the moment, it was a light bulb moment and I said this isn't normal and I do not.
Continue this. So I started Googling therapists in my area for eating disorders and I found a great therapist and I booked with her immediately. And yeah, that was like the start of my [00:20:00] healing and recovery journey.
Yeah. Now, before you started competing, do you feel like you had any sort of eating disorder prior to competing?
I really don't think so. I. You know, in college and high school, I ate like crap and I really didn't think twice about it. There might be times that I was like, yeah, I shouldn't eat that, because that's just the culture we live in. Like people tell you like, you shouldn't eat this, you shouldn't eat that.
But I never really thought too much about it. I might like go without meals or skip meals here and there. Right, because like just little things. Not necessarily cause Yeah. Or like I wanna look skinny today or that kind of stuff. Just small things like that. But I never really obsessed over it. And in college, boy, I was playing a sport.
I would run at practice three days, girl. We would, yeah. And then we would go all sweaty to the cafeteria and just like pig out. And I don't wanna say binge, I wasn't binging, I was just hungry. No. And I wanted to eat. Replenishing the salads
that you
burned. Yeah, we would do
three a days. Yeah. Like
we were working
out
a
ton. [00:21:00] Yeah. . And
it was,
it's funny cuz you know, obviously we're doing that
together, but mm-hmm. , I don't know if we said that, but Yeah. We played a college sport together too. . Yeah. So
we were doing that together and we were doing three a days and, and I
agree.
I
don't
feel
like that
was binging.
because
We were just replenishing honestly, our schedules were so hectic.
Like we were lucky if we had like two meals
a day. Mm-hmm.
so
they
were just
bigger
meals. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I really, I didn't see any problems back then, but whenever I went to therapy, I did end up learning that, Basically, eating disorders are genetic, so most people have a gene if, if it's in their family and something can trigger it.
So basically my mom has had an eating disorder, for her whole life and, ,
Whenever I went there, they told me that if it wasn't my family, something could trigger it. And what my trigger was, was the competing and the dieting and all of that.
So it basically triggered something that was already kind of dormant. within me and [00:22:00] that that's how it came
well, and I think that's a,
a a good point
because
you grew up watching her. In that cycle,
Mm-hmm. ,whether
she was saying it or whether you even realized that's what she
was
doing. Mm-hmm. ,I
mean, obviously
hindsight's 2020, you
can see it
now. Yeah.
You look back
you're like, oh, that's absolutely
what
was
going on. But it's kind
of
playing in the back of your mind. You're growing up and you're watching this, and you think
that's
normal. Mm-hmm. , you
that's like how we're supposed to treat our bodies
and
things like
that.
Mm-hmm. . And so
then you come to competing and I think a lot of times people don't realize that binge eating is an eating
disorder. You
know, when we starve ourselves and then
then at night we're, just
Eating all this crap
that's an eating
disorder. Mm-hmm. ,
I think
that's the one that's talked about the least because you know the
others when
when we're, starving ourselves or we're
bulimic
and anorexia.
Those two I think, are talked about more because.
It seems more
obvious. Mm-hmm.
I think when those things are happening, but we don't give the attention to the [00:23:00] binge
eating. Mm-hmm. , which is
as detrimental as the other
two.
Well, you really can't have binge eating without anorexia because you binge, because you starve yourself and you skip meals.
And a lot of people skip meals and do those things for the sake of not wanting to gain weight and don't realize that they're doing it. And it is an eating disorder. It's. You could say disordered eating. I used to say that a lot. You know, I didn't wanna be like, yeah, I have an eating disorder. I have, I have disordered eating habits.
And that might be an easier way to admit to yourself, okay, something's off here. Yeah, because full blown eating disorder, you know, people die from eating disorders. Yeah. It's very, very dangerous. And I think. , you know, there's different levels to disordered eating. So you know a lot, honestly, the percentages, I don't know what they are now cause I haven't looked into it, but it used to be around 90% of people have some sort of disordered eating habits or eating disorder.
And body dysmorphia where you, [00:24:00] I mean, I would wake up one morning and think I gained 20 pounds overnight. Like I would look in the mirror and see that, and a lot of people have that. So it's very way more common than people
Oh yeah.
And I think people just don't talk about it. Mm-hmm. , you
know, they're like,
they
go through those motions and they're like, why I just gotta push that to the side because I don't have a
problem. Mm-hmm. And
of saying, okay, this is happening, I need to lean into it and understand why it's
happening
and understand what it's, what's triggering it, what it's tied to,
and
things like that.
Mm-hmm.
And,
you
know, I've talked on the show a million times about my eating
disorder. Mm-hmm.
and it was definitely something,
that
was
that stepping stone. It was serving another
purpose. Mm-hmm.
it
wasn't,
I thought my body needed to look a certain way so I could be
loved. Yeah.
You
know, and a lot of times that's how it
starts.
Mm-hmm. ,it's like something
in your
your.
has made you feel a certain
way. Mm-hmm.
and
your solution is to use food. And I think.
think
It's really common.
,it's not,
It's one
of those things that just kind of, you know, when we're sad we eat
[00:25:00] cake. Yeah.
You know,
when we're
happy, we
dopamine rush, every,
every emotion starts to be tied to food and I do think when you get to a place where you understand the purpose of
of food, Uhhuh,
I think it's okay to celebrate with
Yeah, totally. It
be a bad thing. Food should be fun and you should enjoy the flavors of
it. Yes. You shouldn't be boring
because
a lot of our day is surrounded by
food.
Mm-hmm.
breakfast,
dinner, you
know? Mm-hmm. , things like
like that. And a lot of times that's how we.
sit down at the table with our family.
So we do want it to be a positive thing, but we've gotta get out of this mindset of, for one, letting food control so much
of
us. Mm-hmm.
and then leaning into it when we are having
these emotions instead of saying,
okay, why am I feeling this
way? Yeah. Not,
let's
just go ahead and eat more food
food. Mm-hmm. ,instead of saying,
let's understand why this is happening.
why
I feel
this way and kind of unpack that and I've, through my
journey,
Mm-hmm. , you
know,
my personal trainer and all those things, I was able [00:26:00] to get to a place where I loved
myself.
more and I was happy with who I was and I was
nicer. Mm-hmm.
because
I was
fueling my body
in
a way. Yeah.
was
was facilitating that,
and that once I got to that point, I was able to go back into my past and say, Okay.
I, I need to work on some forgiveness, not only of
myself,
but
those that I.
felt, had did things
to me in
my
past mm-hmm.
and
that really
just freed me from this control of what
food was
having on me. Mm-hmm.
because I
dealt with,
the actual
problem.
Yeah.
And,
we see food as
the
problem,
Mm-hmm. , but a lot of
of times food is the solution to a problem.
We just don't
get
that connection. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. for sure.
It's, there's so many layers to it, I think mine was a lot of control. , I am a control freak and I like to be in control of everything. And I think at that time in my life, I was in my early twenties, just had a baby, just gotten married. Kind of fresh outta college doing all these new things, and I just [00:27:00] needed some form of control, and then we could go all the way back into my childhood.
you and I connect for many reasons. I, I never had a lot of control. I had a rough family life, and so my need for control has always been, and that was a way for me to feel in control, even if like I couldn't pay my bills or I didn't feel like I was being a good mom. At least I was in control of what. I put in my body and what my body looked like, I could see results and I could manipulate that and I could be in control.
And a lot of people, thrive in that way. Absolutely. It's a control thing. When everything else is chaos, you're at least in control of something. And then when you're not in control and you. binge eat because you're so obsessive. That becomes shame. And then you treat the shame with more obsessive control and then more shame and guilt every time, and it's an less cycle, endless cycle.
So there are so many issues inside that you have to work on in order to overcome it. It's not just like,
like, Like
just stomping altogether. [00:28:00] Right.
It's not
as easy of like, oh, I realized that I'm having this, so I'm just not
gonna
do it anymore. Exactly. , it's something you have to address Exactly. Inside. Exactly.
And
I think you're so right. It's
control.
Mm-hmm. ,I think that is
the driving
factor. And when I was 17, that was my driving factor. I wanted control. Cause I felt like my life was just so out of control. that
I had no say in what was happening in my life. And to some degree I didn't.
And so
said, you know what? I can control. Being
skinny. Mm-hmm.
And it's so funny, I, I look back and I'm like,
I
wish I would've realized that
faith
before her eating disorder looked
just
fine. Yeah.
she didn't need to lose
weight. No.
And I was
kid. Mm-hmm. , why was that
that like my first, you
thought and, yeah.
It's funny because
I, I look
and I don't
think.
Like
anyone in my family hadn't eaten disorder. But at the same time, I'm like,
I don't
know. Mm-hmm. really
and may,
but maybe it was subconsciously, like we've talked about with you mm-hmm. , like
you, it's not like your mom said, Hey, I have
an
eating
[00:29:00] disorder. Mm-hmm.
But you look back and you're like, sh,
she
did Mm-hmm. .She had these habits and
you were constantly watching those.
those. So
maybe
that
was something that.
that,
In my back of my mind that was
building,
and then I get
to
this point where I just
feel
completely
out of control. Mm-hmm.
and I feel like
nobody loves
me. Mm-hmm. and. ,
what am I gonna
do?
Mm-hmm.
so I turn to something where I'm like, well, if I just physically look better,
then
will love
me. Right.
Right. Exactly. Mm-hmm. ,
what
kind
of messed up is that?
But
like yeah.
That is how our, society
has taught
us Exactly.
Get praised for when we're skinny. We get praised for when we look better.
And,
and
it's just one, it it's a cycle.
Yeah.
It's a cycle. And that's something obviously that happened to me at 17, but I saw those things
things
in later in binge
eating. Mm-hmm. .
So
it was like I,
I got rid of one eating disorder and then down the road I found another
one.
Yeah.
But
again, in that moment, I didn't feel like I had an eating disorder.
I didn't know
what
was
going on. Mm-hmm.
It wasn't until I started to really unpack my
past
I
wasn't able
to say.
[00:30:00] okay, I'm just
overcompensating instead of actually addressing my
feelings. Mm-hmm.
And once I did that, woo.
woo. Yeah. Ugh.
weight
Weight was
lifted. Yeah. It's amazing. And, some people just cope with food, you know, and that's a whole other kind of disordered eating thing, is coping with food.
And I, I think that accepting that there are worse coping, mechanisms out there first is kind of a healthy way to overcome that. Because there shouldn't be shame for coping with food when you could be out shooting up heroin or dead on the street because you're putting all this other stuff in your body that actually really is super harmful.
At the end of the day, food is meant to be enjoyed and it is comforting, and that's part of it. So I think finding a healthy balance is what it's all about. And that is where I went with that. what was your next step when you said, okay, this isn't the life for me.
I don't wanna be obsessed, I don't wanna miss time with my child because I'm thinking about ice cream.
cream. Mm-hmm. ,
what was
your next step to say, okay,
where
do I go from here?
I've [00:31:00] acknowledge
that I wanna do
something
different. Mm-hmm. , this
isn't the life for
me.
I
know you went to therapy, but what was kinda like the next step to kind of
switch
lifestyle. Mm-hmm. , well, I'll tell you this. I had to delete my Fitness pal . That was a big step. Yeah. No tracking my food, no counting calories. And that was very hard because at that point I was a machine. I, my brain was my fitness pal. I could count up my meal in two seconds. Yeah. And I couldn't really control doing that, so I had to stop doing that.
I had to kind of step away from.
Did not weigh myself anymore. Did not focus on that at all. Stopped body checking and we worked through a lot of issues from my childhood especially. That was the main thing was kind of like overcoming that. And then also just talking about the stresses of life that I was going through in that moment.
Going to therapy to address those things meant I didn't need to control it as much with my food. Right. So that was kind of that just therapy and. stepping away from all those little obsessive [00:32:00] things like counting, weighing, all of that. And it was a struggle. I mean, I didn't immediately feel, you know, distanced right from that stuff.
I would still look at myself in a group photo and be like, why do I look 10 times the size of everybody, you know? And honestly, I still do that sometimes because that's just our human nature. We do that. But at the end of the day, I know what's really important now. it just took a few.
Now there was another little glitch with all of this. I ended up finding out that I had a thyroid disorder at the same time that I was admitting myself to care for my eating disorder because they basically have to do blood work. And the blood work came back to say that I had. Thyroid disorder. So that ended up turning into me having to work with a endocrinologist and neurologist who gave me a very strict diet.
So I was going to eat in disorder therapy at the same time that I was treating my thyroid disorder. with a very strict diet that was very tough. . Yeah, that sounds,
that
sounds woo . [00:33:00] Yeah. But, I think all these little things, all these challenges that we've talked about and even more that we're gonna talk about in the future have led me to be so persistent, so strong.
I wouldn't trade it because the journey has made me, the little things don't affect me the way they used to. I can push through it, I can stay positive. I know that things are gonna improve. It has helped me so much in my determination and my perseverance.
all those little things, you just have to step away from it. There's, there's no in between. You have to step away and once you step away from it, you can.
Normalize food and eat like a normal person. Try to eat three meals a day. You know what's healthy, you know what makes you feel good? Eat for that and don't be, don't be ashamed whenever you don't eat for that, that that's gonna happen. That's life. That's normal. Just try not to think so hard about it and over time you'll find a really good place with food in your body.
And that's just kind of what happened. So we're talking about this now, and this has [00:34:00] probably been. How long? I don't know, like seven years?
I would say
like
seven
maybe. Yeah, I think about seven years. So like now I'm remembering all these things, but I don't, haven't thought about this in a really long time and I don't think about it and I eat what I want and I do what I want and I have reintroduced exercise into my life.
I did have to step away from that too, because it wasn't coming from a healthy place, but I joined Orange Theory again. I love it. I do what? I have fun with, I do cycle bar sometimes just I don't work out because it's gonna change my body. I wanna be strong, right? I wanna be able to, get ready for my markets, for my, vintage clothing business.
Yeah. You gotta carry all
those clothes.
I gotta be able to carry those racks. I gotta be able to do all the manual labor and not feel winded or like I can't do it. so I do it for that now.
Yeah. And I think that's so important is to find something that you
love. Mm-hmm.
as.
A lot
of times we start, again, our initial goal is we
wanna
lose weight.
Mm-hmm. ,
but
a [00:35:00] lot of times that puts us in a, in a position where we're doing stuff that we don't necessarily
enjoy. Mm-hmm. .
So
when you can kind of step back and say,
say,
I'm doing
this because I wanna be
strong
mm-hmm. ,
and I want
more energy. Instead of,
I want to look
like this
or I want
to weigh
this.
Mm-hmm.
Then we get to open ourselves up to things that we
enjoy. Mm-hmm.
and
then we start.
doing maybe
classes
or,
mm-hmm. ,you know,
for
people, I personally do enjoy strength
training,
Mm-hmm. ,
but that's not
everyone's forte. Mm-hmm.
So
get to find those things that you actually
enjoy. Mm-hmm.
and then it doesn't feel so much
pressure mm-hmm.
you
let go of that control that you talked
about.
Like for sure you
wanting to control everything. and that's where it's not
fun.
Yeah. Yeah. And then one thing that my therapist taught me, I was very fearful of what my body would look like if I wasn't doing all these things. And she was like, you know, you shouldn't be so worried about that because your body is gonna level out once you're in a healthy place with food and all that.
You'll have what's called a set point weight, and everyone has one. They're all over the place and they're supposed to [00:36:00] be, but you can expect your body not to change too much once you're there. It's the yo-yo cycle, the ups and downs that really are detrimental. So once you find like kind of that, Set point weight where your body's happy.
You don't really have to do anything to maintain it. That is what you're supposed to be at. And everyone has one. So once you step away, you'll find that and you'll find comfort and peace that, okay, I can count on this. This is my body. I accept it for what it is, and it's happy and I feel good. So yeah, everyone has that.
So just kind.
kind of
find that and then don't, don't try to manipulate from there. Right. You know,
let
it be what it's supposed to
be.
Yeah. And at the end of the day, like another thing that brings me comfort is that it's just your shell. It's literally a skin bag that you carry around while you're here to enjoy life.
And you know, it really has nothing to do with you. What you look like. Has nothing to do with
you.
Yeah.
It is not who you
No.
so much more than that. [00:37:00] And I think kind of circling back to when you know that moment where you weren't even, Playing with
your
son because
you're constantly thinking about food is such a good example.
When we're in this
cycle,
we
let food consume our
thoughts mm-hmm. , therefore
we're not
Mm-hmm. in
in
these
events that we're going to, being
with
Mm-hmm. being with.
and
we miss so much about life. Yeah. Because we're so consumed into something
else. Mm-hmm. . So
I
think the big thing here,
the
takeaway
is when we get to that point where you find that balance
where you
find
just happy being at this, at your, what
did
you call it?
Set point. Weight. That point weight. Mm-hmm. ,
when you're there.
you get, you get your life
back. Yeah.
You get so much of your time and
yourself. and you
get to be present mm-hmm. because you're not constantly thinking
about
things.
Mm-hmm.
and you're just eating to eat and
be
in the moment and you're not shameful when. .
You
to a birthday party and you
the
cake,
[00:38:00] Mm-hmm. ,,you just eat
the
cake. Instead of
saying,
okay, if
I eat this, then I need to skip this, and then I need to work out two times,
two more workouts
this week. And
mm-hmm.
that's not how it works. Right.
But we've,
we've let
play in our head
for so long
long
Mm-hmm. ,
that's truly what we
believe. Mm-hmm. . And that's
the
part, is that we truly believe these things that
we're telling
ourselves. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. .But when we get to that point where we can
let
go mm-hmm.
Ooh. It's the
life
we
get.
Yeah. You gain, that's what gain so much, so much fullness and. Another thing to leave on is that you're not gonna be perfect at it. And the society we live in at the end of the day is the society we live in, and we have all these things constantly in our face about it does matter what you look like and all this.
So you're not gonna be perfect. You're going to still struggle. You're still gonna be like, oh, I need to work out because I ate that, or I feel. Trashy because I gained 10 pounds or whatever it is. You're still gonna have those moments, but it's just, don't stay on them, don't linger on them [00:39:00] and, accept them and move on.
Yeah. I think that is such a great note to kind of leave on is.
Just go
with
it. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. , be in that moment and let it roll. Don't let it consume you. Don't let it take over your
day. Don't feel shameful for it. You're human. I
the big
one, is just don't be
shameful. Mm-hmm.
it is natural to
feel this way
,and,
and it
is a journey. And it's a journey that's never gonna end.
end. Mm-hmm. , you're
constantly
be on this journey.
journey
Of finding who you are and finding what works for you,
and that's
okay. Mm-hmm. and
you're gonna have,
different seasons are gonna yield
different things
for
you. Mm-hmm. and whether,
I mean,
that's true
in all aspects of
life,
right? So,
So
just lean into that and just take it for what it
is. Mm-hmm.
then just move on.
Exactly. Yeah.
And it's a journey. It's a beautiful journey. And I thank you for sharing your
journey. Yeah, I know
I mean, you haven't, like you said, you haven't talked about this in a while, so
I
know
that
probably stirred
up
mixed emotions about kind of where
you've been and where you've headed.
But
But
it's such a beautiful journey and I love that people can.
see[00:40:00]
the other side
of
it. Mm-hmm. . So it's
here's where I
started.
Here's
the real tough
part. Mm-hmm. ,
but
look at where I am now. And without that journey.
Yeah. You wouldn't
be here
and you might not have ever
unpacked. Mm-hmm. your childhood.
And I think that's so beautiful to be able to do that.
And a lot of times people don't realize is that your fitness journey might start out as weight
loss. Mm-hmm.
but
the other things that you're able to really work through along that journey is really what it's about
Mm-hmm.
mm-hmm. . So weight loss got you
here.
It's now it's like, my goal is to get you away from that weight loss.
Mm-hmm. , I'm happy you're
here, but now
what can we do to really. make you the best version of
yourself.
Mm-hmm. . And
you have to do the hard things. You have
to go
through the
hard
experiences,
the
eating disorders, the body
dysmorphia.
Yeah.
All those things to come out on
top. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. . And yet it sucks in the meantime,
but mm-hmm. , it's.
Yes, it's a beautiful thing at the end. So, and what you do is awesome, . Like, we're not saying you shouldn't work out, and [00:41:00] I hope that nobody got that message that you shouldn't work out. You shouldn't eat healthy, you shouldn't take care of yourself because everyone starts somewhere and at the end of the day, it's all about loving yourself.
That's what it is. And you love yourself by taking care of your body. Health issues are so tough and the more you can do to avoid having them or at least make the symptoms less by taking care of your body, like the better. It allows you to experience fullness of life and that's what the goal is. Life is too short not to.
Ugh.
So
good. That was such a good
up, so I'm not
even
gonna keep talking after that.
cuz that was so good.
Miranda,
why don't you go ahead and tell everyone where they
can
find you
so
they can
just continue to
see
your
life, just blossom
and all that you're doing. I know that you mentioned, you have actually left the fitness industry and now you are still an entrepreneur.
You're out there slinging
clothes. Yeah. Tell where they can find you . So I've always loved expressing myself through fashion and what I wear. I enjoy it so much and I've found my love in vintage clothes. [00:42:00] So I basically source all the good vintage stuff. And I sell it mostly online.
I have a website, it's Love again, threads.com. That is soon to be changing a little bit. There's some exciting changes coming. But yes, and then my Instagram and my personal is, Miranda dot Beiger.
so
you Can
find all her links in the show. Go follow her, give her some love, maybe buy a new top.
Um, It's
just so nice to see that, you know, for so long you are,
You
give so much to your physical appearance and now you're expressing yourself with your clothes.
And
I
think there's something you said in that. Yeah.
And so
has taken
that
off of so
much of how you.
more so that's how you express yourself. Exactly. Yeah. It's like, this is my personality that I'm wearing.
Exactly. And that's such a powerful message when you walk into a room and people are like, I know this person because I can tell who they are because of what they're wearing. It's just super
cool.
Oh, it's so fun. But it's so, it's so fun to see that
[00:43:00] switch
too, Yeah. It's like
all
about how
your
was. Now it's
like,
look at my
fashion. Yeah, exactly.
I love
that for
you.
So
thank you so much for being here. Miranda, you have been awesome. Thanks for sharing your story.
I can promise you guys you're going to hear from her again. So stay tuned and as always, stay beautiful.
